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Coping with Mother’s Day during isolation

heart shaped biscuitsInfertility can hurt every day, on Mother’s Day it often hurts more. The second Sunday in May (and the days around it) can be a very challenging time for women who are doing all that they can to become mothers and are then repeatedly confronted with reminders of what they don’t yet have.

While you may not have to deal with the shops and massive flowery displays this year, there are still so many reminders on TV and social media that you are probably still being inundated with tributes and celebrations. Being faced with these reminders can be a tough for those wanting to be a Mum and it can also be hurtful to their partners who share the pain.

The day that will be nameless is also especially challenging when you are grieving for a pregnancy that did not continue and for the loss of your baby. Allow yourself to name and feel this loss, it is real.
Genea’s Fertility Counsellors have offered some advice that you might find helpful at this time of year. If you have any suggestions or would like to share the ways you deal with this time of year, please feel free to share them on our social media accounts.

  • Acknowledge that this hurts - you don’t have to pretend that it doesn’t. Talk to your partner or your support network.  Many find support through articles and online communities.
  • Remember you are not alone, there are others who are hurting too and it’s not just those who are struggling with infertility. People who have lost their mothers or can’t be with them because of isolation will also be feeling sad.
  • Be prepared – plan how you want to spend the day. Family get togethers may not be happening, or happening online, but if it is too painful and confronting then make alternate plans and find other ways to acknowledge those in your life you may feel you want to or need to. This year, perhaps even more so than others, remember that you can say no.
  • Celebrate your own mother or grandmother, or the women in your life who have been of significance to you, and even do it on another day if that helps.
  • Forgive yourself for being sad when others are happy.
  • Practice self-compassion be kind to yourself.
  • Seek support, reach out to someone who gets you, you don’t have to do this alone.

The want and longing to be a mother, it can be valuable to nurture this maternal part of yourself. Be kind to yourself in this longing and aching and honour it in yourself. Others may not understand or it might be a private experience that there are no words for right now. It is valid, you feel it and you feel it hugely. Remember, this day is for you too.

Our counselling team is available to our patients throughout this time, via email, phone or Skype. Please contact them on counselling@genea.com.au, or Genea Hollywood at perth@genea.com.au and Genea Oxford at joy@mindfree.co.nz.

Visit Genea's Fertility Collective to find more advice and useful tips and tools plus the latest updates on COVID-19 and the impact on fertility treatment.

Disclaimer: Please note that this is a Genea Group blog and as such information may not be relevant for all clinics. We advise that you consult clinics directly for further information.