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Coping with Mother’s Day when dealing with infertility

Sunset blog image

Infertility can hurt every day, but on Mother’s Day it often hurts more. The second Sunday in May (and the days around it) can be a very challenging time for women who are doing all that they can to become mothers and are then repeatedly confronted with images of what they don’t yet have. 
There are so many reminders at shopping centres, on TV and social media - it feels impossible to not be inundated with tributes and celebrations. Being faced with these reminders can be tough for those wanting to be a Mum and it can also be hurtful to their partners who share the pain. 
The day that will be nameless is also especially challenging when you are grieving for a pregnancy that did not continue and for the loss of your baby. Allow yourself to name and feel this loss, it is real. 
Genea’s Fertility Counsellors have offered some advice that you might find helpful at this time of year. If you have any suggestions or would like to share the ways you deal with this time of year, please feel free to share them on our social media accounts. 

  • Acknowledge that this hurts, you don’t have to pretend that it doesn’t. Talk to your partner or your support network.  Many find support through articles and online communities. 
  • Remember you are not alone. There are others who are hurting too, it’s not just those who are struggling with infertility. People who have lost their own mothers, or have lost a child, may also be feeling sad. 
  • Be prepared. Plan how you want to spend the day. Remember it is OK to say no to invitations to outings and get togethers you think will be difficult for you to deal with. 
  • Celebrate your own mother or grandmother, or the women in your life who have been of significance to you, or even do it on another day if that helps. 
  • Forgive yourself for being sad when others are happy. 
  • Practice self-compassion be kind to yourself. 
  • Seek support, reach out to someone who gets you, you don’t have to do this alone. 

It can be valuable to acknowledge your longing and desire to be a mother. Be kind to yourself and honour this maternal part of yourself. Others may not understand, or it might be a private experience that there are no words for right now. It is valid, you feel it and you feel it hugely. Remember, this day is for you too. 

As always, our counselling team is available to our patients. Please contact your clinic if you would like to be put in touch with a counsellor.