Your guide to self care strategies during fertility treatment
Reviewed by
Key takeaways
- Self care isn't frivolous, it's a practical way to build resilience during fertility treatment, alongside professional and personal support
- Small, structured strategies like routine, naming triggers and journaling before bed help you get through the waiting periods
- Box breathing is a quick, accessible tool that signals safety to your nervous system before appointments, injections or spiralling thoughts
- Leaning on the right support and gentle movement, like walking or restorative yoga, helps you feel more grounded and connected to yourself
Fertility treatment asks a lot of you, physically, logistically, financially and emotionally, often all at once. Choosing to go through it and stay the course when it's hard takes resilience, whatever your circumstances. Self care during IVF and fertility treatment can make a real difference.
We spoke with Evelyn Zwahlen, Counselling Services Manager at Genea, about what helps patients get through this process day to day. Self care strategies work hand in hand with the professional support and personal network around you, and none of what follows is about adding more to your to-do list. It's a small collection of ideas to reach for if you need them.
Self care isn't selfish
Sometimes the first part of self care is simply believing it's worth doing at all, before you even get to the walk, the journal, or the breathing exercise. Self care during IVF and fertility treatment sometimes gets dismissed as indulgent or unnecessary, but it's fundamental to your health.
"There can be a sense for some patients that self care is frivolous or selfish,” Evelyn explained. It’s simply about strategies to feel better, more lifted and more resilient. That's important in everyone’s daily life, and even more so during the emotional rollercoaster of fertility treatment.”
Self care means different things for different people, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. It’s all about finding what works for you.
Ways to stay grounded while you wait
During your fertility treatment, you can stay more grounded while waiting by giving your day structure, naming what triggers you, giving your thoughts an outlet before bed, and letting yourself feel it rather than holding it together constantly.
"Waiting is one of the hardest parts of this process,” says Evelyn. “The goal isn't to feel calm the entire time. It's to have a few solid places to stand when the waiting feels too hard."
Waiting shows up everywhere in this process, no matter your specific situation: For test results, a donor match, a call after monitoring, during the two week wait after a transfer, and it's one of the hardest parts because there's nothing to do while it happens. A few things that can help:
Start your day with a routine
How you start the morning sets the tone for the rest of the day. Begin with something small that has nothing to do with treatment: a walk before work, a herbal tea at your local cafe, ten minutes with a favourite book. Starting the day on your own terms won't erase the waiting, but it gives you something to look forward to before the day can take over.
Know your triggers
Notice what tends to unsettle you: social media, certain conversations, googling symptoms late at night. You can't avoid every trigger, but knowing yours means you can decide how and when to respond, rather than being caught off guard. That might mean muting a few accounts for now, or saving hard conversations for days when you feel better.
Give your thoughts somewhere to go at night
For a lot of people, the waiting gets loudest at night, once the day's distractions stop and your mind has room to run through every possibility. If you find yourself lying awake ruminating, try keeping a notepad by the bed. Writing the thought down, even in a few words, tells your brain it doesn't need to keep holding it until morning.
Let yourself cry
Crying is one of the ways your body releases the pressure of waiting rather than carrying it. Holding it together all day, every day, can be exhausting. If the tears come in the shower, in the car, at the end of a long day, let them. Most people feel a sense of relief afterwards, not less in control.
Decide who's in your corner
Choose one or two close people who know where you are in the process, so there's someone to message after a scan or sit with you through results day. Some people choose a friend or family member, and many find that connecting with others who've been through fertility treatment is where they feel most understood.
Box breathing, a tool for difficult moments
Box breathing works by slowing your breath into an even, structured pattern, which signals to your nervous system that you're safe, even when your mind is racing. It's used by everyone from athletes to emergency responders, takes under two minutes, and can be done anywhere.
“Breathing exercises are a valuable tool and one I often recommend to patients,” Evelyn shares. “They won't make the outcome different, but they give the body a way to stop bracing for a moment, which is sometimes exactly what's needed."
Moments to try breathing exercises:
- In the minutes before an appointment, scan, or procedure
- While you're waiting for a call you know is coming
- If you notice your thoughts spiralling ahead of any actual news
- Before an injection, if needles bring up any anxiety for you
- If you're lying awake during the night
How to do box breathing:
- Breathe in slowly through your nose for a count of 4.
- Hold that breath gently for a count of 4.
- Breathe out slowly through your mouth for a count of 4.
- Hold at the bottom, with your lungs empty, for a count of 4.
Repeat this cycle for 4 to 8 rounds. If counting to 4 feels like a stretch at first, start with a count of 3, the exact number matters less than the evenness of the pattern.
Learn to balance hope with patience
You can balance hope with patience during fertility treatment by accepting that both can coexist rather than trying to resolve them into one clean feeling. Hope wants to move forward, patience asks you to sit still, and that tension isn't a contradiction to fix, it's simply what this process asks of you.
What support might look like right now:
- A journal, just for yourself, where you can write down your most honest thoughts and reflections
- A phrase or reminder you can return to on the harder days, something as simple as "I only need to get through today"
- Permission to say no to events or conversations that feel like too much this week
"I'd gently push back on anyone who thinks they must resolve hope and fear into one clean feeling,” says Evelyn. “Most people I see are holding both, every single day during fertility treatment."
You're allowed to feel hopeful and nervous in the same afternoon, allowed to plan a nursery in your mind and also brace yourself for disappointment, sometimes within the same hour. None of that means you're doing this wrong.
Move your body, gently
Gentle movement, such as light stretching, walking, or restorative yoga, helps you feel reconnected to your own body during fertility treatment and supports emotional wellbeing, whether or not carrying a pregnancy is part of your pathway. Fertility treatment may leave you feeling disconnected from your own body, like it's become something being monitored and managed, and gentle movement is one of the simplest ways to feel back inside it.
This isn't about exercise as performance. Some days it might just be a slow stretch in your pyjamas by your bed; other days, a longer, gentle yoga session might feel good.
A simple stretching routine to start with
You don't need equipment, a mat, or even to change clothes. Move slowly, breathe normally, and stop anything that doesn't feel right.
- Neck rolls - Drop your chin toward your chest, then slowly roll your head toward one shoulder, back to centre, then the other side. Repeat three or four times each way, avoiding rolling backwards.
- Shoulder rolls - Lift both shoulders up toward your ears, then roll them back and down. Repeat five times. This is where most people hold the tension of a stressful day without realising it.
- Seated side stretch - Reach one arm overhead and lean gently to the opposite side until you feel a stretch along your ribs. Hold for three slow breaths, then swap sides.
- Legs up the wall - Lie on your back with your legs resting up against a wall for two or three minutes, a restorative yoga favourite that asks nothing of you and tends to settle both body and mind.
If you'd like more than this:
Restorative or gentle yoga is generally considered suitable during treatment and early pregnancy, though it's worth checking anything more active with your specialist first, particularly around egg retrieval or embryo transfer. Searching "gentle yoga for beginners" or "restorative yoga" on YouTube will bring up free, guided options you can follow at home. Look for sessions labelled beginner, gentle, or restorative rather than power or vinyasa.
Spend time outdoors
Spending time outdoors, even briefly, can help you feel invigorated and ease the pressure of fertility treatment. Try taking opportunities that are small and easy to fit into an ordinary day.
- Taking a call you're anxious about while walking outside, rather than sitting still indoors with it
- Eating a meal outside instead of at your desk
- Leaving your phone behind for a short walk, so there's no possibility of checking for updates while you're out
- Sitting somewhere with a view, water, trees, open sky, for ten minutes with nothing else to do
Build a support network that actually helps
When building a support network during fertility treatment, think about who may be able to listen, help or simply spend time with you. Not everyone around you will fully understand what you're going through, and that's alright.
Lean on the people who love you
Let the people close to you help in the ways they're actually able to, even if that's not always emotional depth. A friend who drives you to an appointment, or checks in with a simple text rather than a big conversation, is still showing up for you. It's alright to tell people directly what would help, whether that's practical support, distraction, or simply being asked how you're doing without being offered advice in return.
Find people who've walked this path
Speaking with others who've been through fertility treatment, through a support group, an online community, or people you meet through your clinic, can ease a specific kind of loneliness that even the closest friend or family member can't quite reach.
"Patients often tell me the difficult moments aren't because they're lacking support,” explained Evelyn. “It's that the people around them can't quite understand what this experience really feels like. That's exactly why peer connection matters."
Our counselling team can recommend the most relevant support groups and communities for your situation if you're not sure where to start looking.
Taking this one step at a time
It's easier said than done, but taking one step and one day at a time during fertility treatment can ease feelings of stress and overwhelm. Some strategies to try:
- Write down the one next thing, and nothing else. Not "get through treatment", but "call the clinic Tuesday" or "take the injection tonight", something specific to redirect your mind back to.
- Use your hands or your senses to interrupt the loop. Box breathing, a short walk, or even holding a hot mug of tea all work by pulling your attention into your body, rather than your mind.
None of this needs to happen perfectly, or all at once. Reach for what's useful today, leave the rest for another day, and remember that support from your counselling team, your loved ones, and self care all work together. You’re not navigating this alone.
For more information, explore further articles:
- 7 strategies to navigate the two week wait (+5 things to avoid)
- Emotional support for donor treatment: Your guide to counselling and resources
- How to deal with pregnancy announcements when you’re dealing with infertility
Need professional support?
If you’re a patient at Genea, your treatment includes one counselling session for an IUI cycle and two sessions for an IVF cycle, with some flexibility depending on your circumstances. Counselling sessions may focus on preparing for treatment, making decisions, managing uncertainty and disappointment, and exploring coping strategies. There’s no charge for counselling during your treatment at Genea.
FAQs
About the authors
Evelyn Zwahlen
Evelyn Zwahlen is Counselling Services Manager at Genea. She brings 40+ years of experience in social work and psychology.
View profile
Need professional support?
Speak with our Fertility Concierge team to discuss your options and find the right support for your journey.